I don't have much to do at work. I am killing time. I have read all newspapers, arranged my files and planned for the next two weeks. And here I am, trying to keep myself busy, abnormally watching time slowly tick away.
I would rather spend time meaningfully and so I just decided to let my fingers do the talking in my PC.
About what? For whom?
I have thought about this for a few seconds and I thought of writing here. For no particular reason. For no one in particular. I just want to write here. For someone to catch another glimpse into my heart and soul.
Funny how at this age I have decided to sign up at a site that caters to one of man's basic human needs. I would be hypocritical if I say I did not expect any message from anyone. In fact, mine was "guarded expectation" primarily because of the site nature stated previously. At 33, I am past that stage. Even as I have always reasoned that there is supposed to be something beyond the groin, it would be very naïve to assume that people would be motivated simply to find friendship there. But still I believe that there are reasonable and decent people out there.
I have delayed for more than a year signing up, because I know that I would be the "odd man out". But I risked joining because I wanted to confirm for myself how far I can take the "market place" or allow myself to be "sold" there. Pero wala akong baon e. No glossy pix. No hunky beefy poses. No flirtatious profile or messages.
Just an old soul who perhaps at the end of a tiring day values good souls out there, too.
At 33 I am tired of pleasing people to like me. At 33 I have begun to embrace who I am and to celebrate my imperfections. At 33 I see people in their full value, including their shortcomings. At 33 I realized life is too short to be robbed of friendships, affection, expression, care and reinforcement. At 33 I am prudent enough to know how my immediate environment would react to who I really am, but I no longer allow that environment to box me in an insignificant corner in this world.
At 33 I surge with self-confidence and independence, defining my personality and sexuality not as an aberration but a unique evolution of my personhood.
At 33 I hold on to my core values. No sexual orientation has the monopoly of truth, honesty, integrity, spirituality, courage and decency. Morality is not to be confined within the borders of what is acceptable or imposed by others, but within the empathy and understanding of wanting to be humane----for yourself and for others, regardless of class, race and sexual orientation.
At 33, I am too old not to tolerate the pain of rejection. At 33 I realize there will always be others who will not share the same pathos, principles, points of view. But at the same time I am not about to force them to accept my personhood in the same way that I may not be persuaded to embrace theirs.
At 33 I am willing to define my place in this universe. More forgiving of my own inadequacies, but keeping apace with the ever increasing demands of integrity, kindness, love and optimism. More accepting of the shortcomings of others and sensitive of their own processes of self-determination, of self-worth.
At 33 I am grateful of past mistakes. I hike to the highest of personal mountains to see the whole view. I refuse to see in the myopia of my own views. I am more aware of my "blind spots" .
At 33 I celebrate small, insignificant triumphs. I value smiles of affirmation. I keep messages of reinforcement. I collect in my memory bank every single thought and deed that make my day bright, as well as delete permanently from my memory space those that encourage returns of rancor, bias and intolerance against people, former liaisons, former partners and others who might have wronged me (or so I thought).
At 33 I am more forgiving.
At 33 I am reclaiming my life again. New start. New leaps of faith. New journeys to wherever life brings me.
That journey is to be shared with my family. With my town in Cavite. With my community of friends. With whomever is willing to walk with me.
I would rather spend time meaningfully and so I just decided to let my fingers do the talking in my PC.
About what? For whom?
I have thought about this for a few seconds and I thought of writing here. For no particular reason. For no one in particular. I just want to write here. For someone to catch another glimpse into my heart and soul.
Funny how at this age I have decided to sign up at a site that caters to one of man's basic human needs. I would be hypocritical if I say I did not expect any message from anyone. In fact, mine was "guarded expectation" primarily because of the site nature stated previously. At 33, I am past that stage. Even as I have always reasoned that there is supposed to be something beyond the groin, it would be very naïve to assume that people would be motivated simply to find friendship there. But still I believe that there are reasonable and decent people out there.
I have delayed for more than a year signing up, because I know that I would be the "odd man out". But I risked joining because I wanted to confirm for myself how far I can take the "market place" or allow myself to be "sold" there. Pero wala akong baon e. No glossy pix. No hunky beefy poses. No flirtatious profile or messages.
Just an old soul who perhaps at the end of a tiring day values good souls out there, too.
At 33 I am tired of pleasing people to like me. At 33 I have begun to embrace who I am and to celebrate my imperfections. At 33 I see people in their full value, including their shortcomings. At 33 I realized life is too short to be robbed of friendships, affection, expression, care and reinforcement. At 33 I am prudent enough to know how my immediate environment would react to who I really am, but I no longer allow that environment to box me in an insignificant corner in this world.
At 33 I surge with self-confidence and independence, defining my personality and sexuality not as an aberration but a unique evolution of my personhood.
At 33 I hold on to my core values. No sexual orientation has the monopoly of truth, honesty, integrity, spirituality, courage and decency. Morality is not to be confined within the borders of what is acceptable or imposed by others, but within the empathy and understanding of wanting to be humane----for yourself and for others, regardless of class, race and sexual orientation.
At 33, I am too old not to tolerate the pain of rejection. At 33 I realize there will always be others who will not share the same pathos, principles, points of view. But at the same time I am not about to force them to accept my personhood in the same way that I may not be persuaded to embrace theirs.
At 33 I am willing to define my place in this universe. More forgiving of my own inadequacies, but keeping apace with the ever increasing demands of integrity, kindness, love and optimism. More accepting of the shortcomings of others and sensitive of their own processes of self-determination, of self-worth.
At 33 I am grateful of past mistakes. I hike to the highest of personal mountains to see the whole view. I refuse to see in the myopia of my own views. I am more aware of my "blind spots" .
At 33 I celebrate small, insignificant triumphs. I value smiles of affirmation. I keep messages of reinforcement. I collect in my memory bank every single thought and deed that make my day bright, as well as delete permanently from my memory space those that encourage returns of rancor, bias and intolerance against people, former liaisons, former partners and others who might have wronged me (or so I thought).
At 33 I am more forgiving.
At 33 I am reclaiming my life again. New start. New leaps of faith. New journeys to wherever life brings me.
That journey is to be shared with my family. With my town in Cavite. With my community of friends. With whomever is willing to walk with me.
7 comments:
I wish that at 33, I will have the same maturity and responsibility that u have. You are indeed a very unique person. Tsk, kaya ako nahihirapang ihanap ka date eh!
Hehehe. Very funny joms. Seriously, thanks! Let's just say that I am experiencing a rebirth of sorts
very clever... i will not wait for my 33th birthday to use these principles instead i will apply these in my life now. i'm on my late 20's btw. (ouch!)
very clever... i will not wait for my 33th birthday to use these principles instead i will apply these in my life now. i'm on my late 20's btw. (ouch!)
Thanks Bryz. Here's my take: it's never too early (or too late) to start. :-)
Btw Bryz, why the "ouch" when you said that you were in your late 20's. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. hehehehe
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