I am gay. Bading, jokla, syoke. Call it what you may. Bottom line is, I like guys. I dream of having a long lasting relationship with one.
Suffice to say that I was a late bloomer in that I started accepted being gay when I was 26 or 27. Even as we speak, I am not completely out of the closet.
Prior to that, I was just like a lot of people who just realized that they had different tastes, I though of myself as abnormal and freakish. I was so afraid of who I really was that I hid inside myself and never got close to anyone. Sure, I had friends, but I never really TALKED to them about personal things, much less my sexual orientation. I became so paranoid that others would discover the real me and reject me. That was my number one fear, being rejected by my friends and family. I even came to the point of questioning God for making me what I am. I was (and still am) a good son to my parents, very religious ( I sang in a church choir), honest, and smart. So, WHY ME??? It was then that I started to reject myself and who I was. I really hated myself.
Suffice to say that I was a late bloomer in that I started accepted being gay when I was 26 or 27. Even as we speak, I am not completely out of the closet.
Prior to that, I was just like a lot of people who just realized that they had different tastes, I though of myself as abnormal and freakish. I was so afraid of who I really was that I hid inside myself and never got close to anyone. Sure, I had friends, but I never really TALKED to them about personal things, much less my sexual orientation. I became so paranoid that others would discover the real me and reject me. That was my number one fear, being rejected by my friends and family. I even came to the point of questioning God for making me what I am. I was (and still am) a good son to my parents, very religious ( I sang in a church choir), honest, and smart. So, WHY ME??? It was then that I started to reject myself and who I was. I really hated myself.
Then I discovered this wonderful world called the Internet. It was very instrumental in my road to self acceptance. I decided to post messages in a gay oriented site. I found a friend who was very comfortable with who he was, and he helped me accept myself. I woke up one day and said to myself, THIS IS WHO I AM, AND THERE MUST BE A PURPOSE TO THIS, TO HELL WITH WHAT OTHERS MIGHT SAY. From that moment on, I felt better about myself. I was AT PEACE with myself. I started to reach out more to others like myself and realized that there wasn't anything wrong with me.
I was not different, I was merely unique... (to be continued)
I was not different, I was merely unique... (to be continued)
3 comments:
Hello!! Ayan ha dumaan na ako. Magaganda naman mga entries mo ah! Its basically how I started as well. Keep on writing and expressing yourself. Gaya nga ng sabi mo, its part of your therapy. Hehehe.
Be more open. =)
Have a nice day Mutya.
Its admirable that you've finally accepted who you are. I know that its not going to be easy from here on but I can assure you, accepting your true self is the hardest hurdle...congratulations!
Thanks Ernesto! I appreciate your words of encouragement. I have to confess though that the road to acceptance began a few years ago. I was reminiscing on the journey from then to where I am now. hehehe. Have a great day!
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