A few months ago, I got a call from Mico who was a friend of mine. Nope, he is no longer in pain. He is no longer anguished over his friendship with a colleague with whom he would have wanted a relationship. The “past perfect” in Mico’s case has just become “simple past”; he has learned to let go and put the best interests of his friend before his own.
I remember him truly disappointed then. Mico wanted to take their friendship to blossom into a relationship, but the other was not prepared to embrace the same. Mico wanted to pursue a meaningful relationship with his friend. But his friend could only offer a meaningful friendship. Mico wanted to be progressive; the other was conservative.
And so they had decided to separate ways; physically at first as his friend stayed behind in Europe to finish his studies and Mico had to go back to the Philippines. And emotionally as Mico could not fathom how this close friendship was suffocating both, while nurturing so much expectations that his friend was afraid or uncertain to meet.
So Mico had to relent to separation. Pain was second skin to him, but his respect, loyalty and friendship prevailed over his personal, selfish intentions. It was not easy, but he wanted his friend to be happy, even if that happiness would mean pursuing a relationship with someone else---and not with him.
Fate had a way of making their friendship stronger. Mico received messages from an anonymous guy. For a while, they exchanged messages, but when it came to a point when the anonymous guy explored possibilities of meeting and having a relationship soon, Mico thought that the anonymous texter might be a good match with his friend. And so Mr. Anonymous exchanged messages with Mico’s friend. They met, liked each other and are now an item together.
Did Mico feel pain? Did he regret having paired them off?
No, said Mico. “I only had the best intentions for my friend. I thought it would be painful, but it was not. It is liberating to be selfless.”
Selfless love, Mico calls it. And he laughs like an innocent child explaining it.
And selfless love, I intially thought, was about loving 'til it hurts. In Mico’s case, selfless love is loving ‘til it makes you smile.
No hurt, no lost love there.
Just peace of mind. And lots of love in return.
Postscript: Mico to this day has not even met his anonymous texter whom his friend is seeing at the moment. But he says they are happy with each other’s company. Mico is happy for both of them.
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