Alone Again, Naturally

Reunion Theme - Windstruck ost - kwak yong jin

Today I find myself alone once more.

As we sat down this afternoon at a fastfood chain near his office, he said that he loved me but he wasn't ready for a relationship and the responsibilities that come with it. He said that a relationship was not his priority at the moment. He wanted more freedom. He wanted to be able to do the things that he used to do, like go out with his friends anytime he wanted. It didn't necessarily mean that we would be seeing less of each other because we would still be "dating" exlusively, he said. He wanted things to be the same as before. But in my mind, I knew that things will never be the same.

I stared at him blankly as he said these things. My stoic face belied the pain and the hurt that my heart felt. I held back the tears that wanted to well up and overflow from my eyes and said nothing.

That was our talk this afternoon. And now as I look at the screen, my eyes blinded by my tears, I think: Am I destined to be alone forever?

For now, my heart is closed for repairs and renovation. It has been mercilessly battered and bruised for the past few months. It needs time to heal.

I am tired.