Huwag Kang Mangamba (Be Not Afraid)

Jesus said, "Through all the storms of life, I will be with you..."

May we all have a blessed and meaningful Holy Week. Here's a portion of a musical recollection that I attended at the CCP last year. Lectures by Fr. Manoling Francisco, music by the Madz, it can't get any better than that...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWYkuUw7cvY

Again

Yesterday, I lost my phone via an exceptionally talented pickpocket. Again. I say exceptionally talented because I never felt a thing. Again. Haha

I was going the new warehouse in Cainta. I went up the Boni MRT station to get to the northbound side. Ayun, somewhere in between, nawala yung phone.

The funny thing was, again, I didn't panic. Parang, wala lang. Pero nanlambot ako.

Anyhoo, I was able to retain my number through SMART's number portability. I lost all of the contact numbers in my phonebook, though. Again.

So, to all my friends who have my number, text me, so that I can put you on my list again. Introduce yourself, please. Hehehe.

Dammit! Three years in a row. This is starting to become a habit….

The Story Of Us

We met in PR. He discovered me, really. He left a footprint on my profile saying that I had a nice smile. I normally just say a quick “thank you” to faceless profiles, or even those that feature half of their faces. Out of courtesy, baga. Para hindi masabing supladita ako. But something made me ask “How are things going with you?”. And that started the exchange of messages that eventually led to an exchange of numbers. SMS galore. An average of 100 messages per day!

Carlo was a fresh graduate from Calamba. He was the youngest son of 8 kids. A probinsyano. But he was smart, articulate, and witty. He made me laugh.

We met for the first time at the Alabang Town Center. He was sooo apprehensive of the meeting. Self confidence issues, I guess. He kept saying na baka hindi daw ako sumipot, na baka hindi ko daw sya magustuhan, etc. It was quite funny and cute, really.

When I first laid eyes on him, my first thought was that his photos didn’t do him justice. He was waaaaaaaaaaaayyyyy cuter in person. But for all his daldal in texts and calls, ganun naman sya katahimik when we met. He would later tell me that he was nervous and was intimidated by me because he thought I was really cute (haba ng hair moment).

And he was uber sweet.

I have taken up running since last April, 2010. One of the races I joined was the Pasig River Run (10/10/10). I had told him about the event and what he did was to wake up extra early to wish me good luck and to watch the coverage of the race on TV.

One night, as we were getting ready to sleep, he suddenly texted “Te amo”. I replied, “Seryoso ka?”. He didn’t answer back. Hahaha!

A few days later, on All Hallow’s Eve, I confronted him about his “Te Amo” text. (I wanted to ask him the week after, on account that I thought it would be weird if maging kami on Halloween, but then we just had a perfect day that I thought that it was now or never).

I asked him, “totoo ba iyon?”

He replied, “Hindi. Nabigla lang ako…” Sabay tawa.

He asked, “Ano sa palagay mo?”

And I answered, “I think totoo sya..”

Then he asked again, “Ano ang sagot mo?”.

I said, “Let me answer in French, J’etaime…”

And so, we became a couple.

That was a little over 4 months ago.

Now, when I look back, I am glad that I replied to Carlo’s footprint. He came at a time when I was beginning to lose faith in love and relationships. He came at a time when I had resigned myself to the fact that I shall be single forever.

I am glad that he proved me wrong.

I am keeping my fingers crossed.

Missing You

My dear blog,

How I have missed you. I noticed that my last entry was way back in March, 2010. At hindi pa masyadong maganda ang topic ng blog ko. Hahaha. And, it was my one and only entry for that year.

I used to like writing, but somehow, parang nawala na ang muse ko. I have lost patience and time (?). And maybe inspiration?

Pero once a writer, always a writer. I find myself drawn to you again. Reading a few really good blogs and discovering that an old friend that I have lost touch with is still churning out amazing entries has helped inspire me again.

Will I be able to sustain this new found inspiration? Tingnan natin...

Rico

==============================

Note to Pulsar:

I am glad that I found your blog. And that you haven't stopped writing. Hindi ko lang nasabi pero I have drawn so much inspiration and strengths from your writings. You were one of the people who encouraged me to start a blog of my own in the first place. Let's keep in touch and catch up on each other one of these days. I have never forgotten.

Ooops, I Lost it Again...

Last Sunday night, I lost my phone via an exceptionally talented pickpocket. I say exceptionally talented because I never felt a thing. Hahaha

IT was Palm Sunday and I was going home to the condo in Mandaluyong from a rehearsal in Cavite. I put the phone in my pocket and rode the bus from Baclaran to Boni Avenue. Ayun, as I was going down the bus, nawala yung phone.

I have a strange feeling that the bus driver and conductor were in cahoots with the pickpocket/s. Inilagpas kasi ako sa regular bus stop even if wala namang MMDA (it was almost midnight)

Anyhoo, I was able to retain my number through SMART's number portability. I lost all of the contact numbers in my phonebook, though. SIGH! I also lost all of the photos I was supposed to post in my Project 365 album. Double SIGH!

So, to all my friends who have my number, text me, so that I can put you on my list again. Introduce yourself, please. Hehehe

============================================

NOTE: The exact same thing happened to me almost exactly a year ago (click http://ricomiguel.blogspot.com/2009/04/losing-my-phone.html). Hence, this is almost like a repost of sorts...

A Leap of Faith

The dictionary defines superstition as a belief or notion, not based on reason or knowledge, in or of the ominous significance of a particular thing, circumstance, occurrence, proceeding, or the like.

As much as I would like to think, and even to a certain extent deny, a part of me is really that, a tad bit superstitious.

I have been troubling and agonizing over a decision these past few weeks, and I went to an intuitive reader to find out if what I was planning to do would be beneficial for my career. The cards said yes. Still, I had dilly-dallied about making the actual move for another few days. Mainly due to doubts on whether I can do it.

But lo and behold, I got this text message early this morning, I knew I saved the message and have actually read it over and over again, but I can’t seem to find it now. The message is my horoscope talking about me, that I “should take the leap of faith…” that I shouldn’t be afraid of change, for it will be for the better.

Creepy, for this is exactly the fear and conflict that has been piercing and twisting my head over this decision.

Yes, indeed, this will be a leap of faith.

God knows that I have the faith, I just hope to find the strength to leap.

Nais Kong Malaman Niya

Ang susunod na kuwento ay kathang isip lamang ngunit may konting halaw mula sa tunay na buhay...

======================

"Kailangan ko na umuwi eh."

Kumunot ang aking noo at tinignan ka na waring kinakabisa ang hubog ng iyong mukha. Para hindi ko makalimutan.

Ayoko pang umalis ka. Isa ito sa mga kakaunting panahon na nagkaroon ka ng oras para magkita tayo. Gusto ko sana, kung maaari ay tumigil ang oras para sa ating dalawa.

"Sandali na lang, pwede ba?"

Hindi na sana ako magsasalita pero hindi ko napigilan ang sarili ko. Sanay ka na rin naman sa mga pakiusap ko na madalas dumadaan sa iyo nang hindi napagbibigyan. Pero iba ngayon. Nararamdaman ko. Dumating ka, hindi ba? Kahit ala-una na ng umaga, dumating ka pa rin at tayo’y naupo sa bangketa sa harapan ng aming bahay.

Tahimik ang buong paligid, wala na ngang dumadaang sasakyan sa kalsada at tayo'y nagbubulungan sa takot na makagising ng mga taong nahihimbing na o di kaya'y makabulabog ang aso ng kapitbahay.

Pinagpatuloy ko ang pagtingin sa 'yo. Nakita ko sa iyong mga mata ang paghati ng iyong damdamin kung tatagal ka pa sandali upang makipagtitigan sa akin o uuwi na upang matigil na ang pag-aalala ng iyong ermats.

Kilalang-kilala na kita, alam ko na lagi ang ikikilos mo, ang iyong sasabihin, at ang takbo ng isip mo.

Mahal kita.

Ilang panahon na din kitang minamahal na hindi mo namamalayan. Pero kahit gaano katagal pa kitang patuloy na mahalin, hindi mo ito mapapansin.

"Aalis na nga 'ko, dinala ko lang naman yung flash drive mo na may porno."

Napangiti na lamang ako at sabay nilunok ang matinding pagnanasang yakapin ka ng mahigpit at sabihin sayo ang nararamdaman ko. Wala namang saysay kung aking sasabihin kasi hindi mo naman pwedeng suklian ang pagmamahal ko.

"Sira ulo.. Ingat ka."

Tumawa ka at saka niyakap ako. Pumasok ka na sa iyong kotse at pagka-andar ng makina, binaba mo ang salamin ng bintana at kumaway.

"Sige, bespren. Goodnight!"

Hinintay ko hanggang sa makaliko ang iyong sasakyan sa kanto. Napabuntong-hininga na lang ako at sabay pumasok sa loob.

ang love story ko na hindi...

Inspector Gadget / The Net

I finally got my new laptop, also last Thursday. Woohoo!!! Kaya siguro hindi rin masyado masama loob ko sa pagkaka-wala ng phone ko, kasi may bago na akong "toy". Hahaha. It's an HP Compaq 6530b with a built in webcam and microphone. How cool is that, huh?

I never thought that I would miss going online sa mga Social and Networking sites like Multiply. But I did. It's been a month or so since I read my Multiply inbox, my Friendster, and my Facebook. Mainly because all of these networking sites were screened by our office firewall and I only get to access them pag nauwi ako ng Cavite (which I haven't done for almost a month).

With my new toy, I hope to be online more often. Hahaha. Free wi-fi zones, here I come!!!!

Losing My Phone

Last Thursday night, I lost my phone via an exceptionally talented pickpocket. I say exceptionally talented because I never felt a thing. Haha

I was going home to the apartment in Cainta from a rehearsal in Pfizer. I put the phone in my pocket and rode the bus from Makati to EDSA Crossing. Ayun, somewhere between going down from the bus and riding the FX to Cainta, nawala yung phone.

The funny thing was, I didn't panic. Parang, wala lang. My friend, Emon, told me na baka kaya ganun, there were so many bad memories attached to that number kaya I didn't feel a sense of loss.

Anyhoo, I was able to retain my number through SMART's number portability. I lost all of the contact numbers in my phonebook, though. SIGH! I also lost all of the photos I was supposed to post in my Project 365 album. Double SIGH! I know I saved a copy of those somewhere. Hindi ko pa makita. Haaaaaaaayyyyy!!!!

So, to all my friends who have my number, text me, so that I can put you on my list again. Introduce yourself, please. Hehehe

The Art of Letting Go 2

Today, I am in a state of deja vu. I started deleting messages from my phone again. Once more trying to make room for new memories.

I had saved every single message he had sent me. From the simple "haha", to the lengthy exchanges we had over the air.

I laugh and smile as I read each one before I finally delete them from the memory forever.

Treasured moments erased...The art of letting go...

But you cannot completely erase them, can you?

The sad fact is, it's easy to erase the reason for the smiles and laughter from the phone's memory. But it's more difficult to erase them from my own.

White As Snow

A friend of mine sent this to me two weeks ago. Ngayon ko lang nabasa.

Natawa ako, promise. Naisip ko, papasukin kaya ako dito? May screening process ba ito? Kasi kung purity ang criteria para sa participants, then I am SURE that it will be a VERY short list of attendees. Wahehehe.


===========================

UNASHAMED: THE TRUE LOVE WAITS (TLW)

2009 NATIONAL PURITY CONFERENCE on February 21, 2009 (Saturday) at 9:00am to 5:00pm at Mega Tent, Ortigas Center , Pasig City (map of venue attached to this email).


TLW PHILIPPINES is an organization and movement that seeks to guide single men and women to make a commitment to sexual abstinence until marriage. The TLW 2009 NATIONAL PURITY CONFERENCE specifically aims to help and equip leaders live a life of purity as they impact others (poster of the conference attached to this email). There will be plenary sessions, break-out workshops, music and fun. Get real answers about Love & Lust, Purity, Pornography, Homosexuality & HIV/AIDS.

The conference fee is PhP 200.00 if you pay on or before January 31, 2009 and PhP 300.00 thereafter until February 21, 2009. Tickets are available at the TLW PHILIPPINES Office (map of office attached to this email). For details you can call ******* or text 0917-*******

The (Ear)Ring

I was in a meeting with my new boss last week, along with a few Department Heads from our Company. Somehow, the discussion veered towards how I used to wear a silver earring on my left ear. My boss was somewhat surprised because I guess it didn't match her perceived personality of me.

She turned to me and said, "Naku, Eric. Huwag mo na isusuot ulit yun ha. Kasi alam mo naman...."

I answered, "Ma'am, wala na po yung phase na yun. Ingat din ako sa image ng Department natin kasi nga we are perceived as the 'bad guys' in the organization..."

She countered, "No, no no. That's not what I meant. Kasi, I am trying to dispel this notion and perception that we are 'all female' in the department..." (background, there are only 5 men in our department, two of them are openly gay)

I almost choked on the iced tea that I was drinking. Ang nasabi ko lang was, "Oh..."

Kasi, little did she know that there was a third... hahaha...

25 Random Things About Me

1.) I was born on November 30, 1972, 3am, at the Marian General Hospital (now a part of Manila Doctors). I was a Martial Law baby. My dad recounts that on the night that my mom was rushed to the hospital, policemen stopped the car on account of the curfew. When they saw that my mom was giving having labor pains, they immediately escorted our vehicle all the way to the hospital. O, di ba? Maski sa pagpapaanak sa akin ay diva na ang dating. Hahaha

2.) I have two younger brothers and a younger sister. We were all brought into this world by one OB-Gyne, Dra. Gozos, and checked-up by one Pediatrician, Dr. Faylona.

3.) My parents were supposed to name me “Andrew” or “Andrei” because I was born on St Andrew's feast day (Andres Bonifacio Day in the Philippines). But someone gave my Mom a book of names and she liked the meaning of Eric (“King”) and Michael (“who is like God”). And so, my name means, God-like King. Cool, right?

4.) My nickname is Boobie. I was born during the Martial Law years. At that time, my aunts and uncle had limited television shows to watch. One show that they particularly liked was a cartoon called Shazzan. He had a flying, talking camel called Kaboobie. They thought he was cute, and they thought I was cute. Kaya, ayun… Sigh!

5.) I am a full-blooded La Sallian. From prep to high school, I studied at De La Salle – Santiago Zobel School (pioneer batch). Then onto De La Salle University for college. I have loyalty awards to prove it. Hahaha

6.) In DLSZ, I purposely lost all of the inter-class academic competitions that I was in because I was frustrated that my parents never came to watch me in any of them. Oh, wait. I won the Bible Showdown kasi hindi kaya ng konsyensya ko na magpatalo doon. Hahaha. Saka yung Oratorical Contest kasi that was my forte. (my winning pieces were Poe’s The Tell-Tale Heart, Carlos Romulo’s I Am A Filipino, and Amador Daguio’s Youth Speaks). Goes well with my love for theater. Hahaha.

7.) I am afraid of spiders. They give me the heebie-jeebies. You can give me frogs, snakes, lizards, cockroaches. But spiders, forget it. Remember that movie, Arachnophobia? Me and my friends watched it. I had my eyes covered during 90% of the film. And the remaining 10%? I was squealing like a little girl. PRETTY embarrassing.

8.) I am a certified choco-holic. Running joke between my gay friends and I is that sasagutin ko yung guy na liligawan ako via gifts of chocolates. Hahaha. And it also follows that I have a terrible sweet tooth. I love cakes, pastries, candies. Hehehe

9.) I sleep with a minimum of three pillows beside me in bed. Gusto ko kasi may kayakap ako sa pagtulog. Syempre, mas maganda kung warm body ang kayakap ko. Wahahaha

10.) I love to perform. In grade school, I was in the school’s productions of The Music Man, Wanted: Muchacho, and Sa Pula, Sa Puti. In high school, I was in the batch plays All My Sons, Florante at Laura, Ibong Adarna, and Noli Me Tangere.

11.) I received my very first failing grade in college. Chemistry. Ugh! Let's not expound.

12.) I fell in love with a female classmate when I was in college. But, it was not meant to be. She was Chinese, I was not. That was the first time that I had my heart broken.

13.) I am a cry-baby. I cry at sad scenes in movies. The worst crying spell that I had at a movie-house was during the film Stepmom (starring Julia Roberts and Susan Sarandon). . I get teary-eyed when reading sad stories.

14.) I have stage fright. Considering that I have been performing with a choir for the last 17 years. Before a performance, I can’t eat. I pace the floor. I sweat.

15.) I have traveled the world because of choral singing. In 1996, we went to 10 countries in Europe, 5 states in the US, and Hong Kong in Asia. In 2007, we went to Scandinavia and countries in the former Eastern Bloc

16.) My ultimate dream would be to perform in musical theater. I totally see myself singing, acting, and dancing on stage. Another would be to do back-up vocals for a major artist in a major concert.

17.) I get embarrassed when I get praises from other people. I feel uncomfortable when I am at the center of attention.

18.) I love dogs. When I was young, my dad would get me and my brother a pair of dogs. Since my brother is averse to them, I end up taking care of both. Oh, and I gave them “pair” names. Donnie and Marie, Starsky and Hutch, Lancelot and Guinevere. Then I had Queenie, Apollo, and Lucky. Now, I have Chippy and Sasha.

19.) I am gay. Bading, bakla, jokla. Call it what you may. I long to have a meaningful relationship with a guy some day.

20.) Indications of being gay manifested itself as early as 5 years old. Wala pa lang akong concept of being gay at that time. I remember watching a film on television where the male lead actor was walking on the beach shirtless. Dun nagsimula ang lahat.

21.) I’ve had two really serious relationships. The first lasted for 2 years. The second lasted for 4 years. The second one almost ended in a Holy Union ceremony at the Order of St Aelred with Fr Richard Mickley as officiator.

22.) My first kiss/sexual experience was with Kevin, a Norwegian. This all happened when I was 26. Late bloomer, huh?

23.) I don't know how to swim. Heehee

24.) I am captivated by sunrises and sunsets. Nothing beats watching them and contemplating on how wonderful creation is.

25.) I LOOOOVE Chinese food. No need to explain further. Hahaha.

The Art of Letting Go

Yesterday, I deleted 468 messages from my phone.

I had saved every single message he had sent me. From the time we met last November until that fateful January day.

I used to read through them every now and then. It triggered memories. It made me smile. Goes well with my being a sentimental fool.

But when things don't turn out the way that you wanted them to, you have to let the memories take flight.

Close the door. Open a window.

Freedom for myself.

Letting go...

Yesterday, I deleted 468 messages from my phone.

I have made space for new memories and new smiles that have started to come in...

Type 3 (The Achiever) and Type 9 (The Peacemaker)

I saw this personality test from a friend's site (thanks Tobie). I am surprised, though, that two personality traits came out. Does that mean I have a split personality? Hehehe. You be the judge?

===========================

The Achiever (the Three)

Achivers are energetic, optimistic, self-assured, and goal oriented.

How to Get Along with Me

• Leave me alone when I am doing my work.


• Give me honest, but not unduly critical or judgmental, feedback.


• Help me keep my environment harmonious and peaceful.


• Don't burden me with negative emotions.


• Tell me you like being around me.


• Tell me when you're proud of me or my accomplishments.

What I Like About Being a Three

• being optimistic, friendly, and upbeat


• providing well for my family


• being able to recover quickly from setbacks and to charge ahead to the next challenge


• staying informed, knowing what's going on


• being competent and able to get things to work efficiently


• being able to motivate people

What's Hard About Being a Three

• having to put up with inefficiency and incompetence


• the fear on not being -- or of not being seen as -- successful


• comparing myself to people who do things better


• struggling to hang on to my success


• putting on facades in order to impress people


• always being "on." It's exhausting.

Threes as Children Often

• work hard to receive appreciation for their accomplishments


• are well liked by other children and by adults


• are among the most capable and responsible children in their class or school


• are active in school government and clubs or are quietly busy working on their own projects

The Peacemaker (the Nine)

Peacemakers are receptive, good-natured, and supportive. They seek union with others and the world around them.

How to Get Along with Me

• If you want me to do something, how you ask is important. I especially don't like expectations or pressure.


• I like to listen and to be of service, but don't take advatage of this.


• Listen until I finish speaking, even though I meander a bit.


• Give me time to finish things and make decisions. It's OK to nudge me gently and nonjudgmentally.


• Ask me questions to help me get clear.


• Tell me when you like how I look. I'm not averse to flattery.


• Hug me, show physical affection. It opens me up to my feelings.


• I like a good discussion but not a confrontation.


• Let me know you like what I've done or said.


• Laugh with me and share in my enjoyment of life.

What I Like About Being a Nine

• being nonjudgmental and accepting


• caring for and being concerned about others


• being able to relax and have a good time


• knowing that most people enjoy my company; I'm easy to be around


• my ability to see many different sides of an issue and to be a good mediator and facilitator


• my heightened awareness of sensations, aesthetics, and the here and now


• being able to go with the flow and feel one with the universe

What's Hard About Being a Nine

• being judged and misunderstood for being placid and/or indecisive


• being critical of myself for lacking initiative and discipline


• being too sensitive to criticism; taking every raised eyebrow and twitch of the mouth personally


• being confused about what I really want


• caring too much about what others will think of me


• not being listened to or taken seriously

Nines as Children Often

• feel ignored and that their wants, opinions, and feelings are unimportant


• tune out a lot, especially when others argue


• are "good" children: deny anger or keep it to themselves

Nines as Parents

• are supportive, kind, and warm


• are sometimes overly permissive or nondirective

Maisusulat ko ang pinakamalungkot na berso ngayong gabi

Pagsasalin ni Virgilio Almario sa "Tonight I Can Write" ni Pablo Neruda

- 09 Piano Solo.mp3 -
Maisusulat ko ang pinakamalungkot na berso ngayong gabi.

Maisusulat ko, halimbawa: "Mabituin ang gabi at nanginginig,
bughaw ang mga tala sa malayo."
Lumiligid sa langit ang simoy-gabi at umaawit.

Maisusulat ko ang pinakamalungkot na berso ngayong gabi.
Minahal ko siya, at minahal din niya ako paminsan-minsan.

Sa mga gabing ganito, ibinilanggo ko siya sa aking mga bisig.
Ulit-ulit ko siyang hinagkan sa lilim ng walang-hanggang langit.

Minahal niya ako, paminsan-minsan ko rin siyang minahal.
Sino ang hindi iibig sa kaniyang malalaki't mga matang tahimik.

Maisusulat ko ang pinakamalungkot na berso ngayong gabi.

Maiisip kasing hindi na siya akin.
Madaramang wala na siya sa akin.

Maririnig ang gabing malawak, at mas lumalawak kung wala siya.
At pumapatak sa kaluluwa ang bersong tila hamog sa pastulan.
Maano kung hindi siya mabantayan ng aking pag-ibig.

Mabituin ang gabi at hindi siya kapiling. Ito na ang lahat.
May umaawit sa malayo. Sa malayo.

Hindi mapanatag ang kaluluwa ko sa pagkawala niya.
Upang waring ilapit siya, hinahanap siya ng aking mata.

Hinahanap siya ng aking puso, at hindi siya kapiling.
Ganito rin ang gabing nagpapusyaw sa ganito ring mga punongkahoy.

Kami, sa tagpong iyon ang nagbago.
Hindi ko na siya mahal, natitiyak ko, ngunit minahal ko siya nang todo.

Hinahanap ng tinig ko ang simoy upang hipuin ang kaniyang pandinig.

Nasa iba. Siya'y nasa iba. tulad noong katalik siya ng aking mga halik.

Ang kaniyang tinig, malinaw na katawan.
Ang kaniyang matang walang-hanggan.

Hindi ko na siya mahal, natitiyak ko, ngunit baka mahal ko siya.
Napakaikli ng pag-ibig, napakahaba ng paglimot.

Dahil sa mga gabing ganito na ibinilanggo ko siya sa aking mga bisig
hindi mapanatag ang kaluluwa ko sa pagkawala niya.

Kahit ito na ang huling pighating ipapataw niya sa akin,
at ito ang huling mga bersong isusulat ko para sa kaniya.

Tonight I Can Write

by Pablo Neruda

Cinema Paradiso - Love Theme - Enio Morricone

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, "The night is starry
and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance."

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is starry and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight tries to find her as though to bring her closer.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. As she was before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.

Four Seasons of Loneliness

Waking up to a silent house...

A sense of loss...

Passed over for promotion (again)...

Disappointment...

A love that may not be reciprocated...

Emotional roller coaster...

Tears welling up in my eyes...

Sadness...

Dread...

Sorrow...

Despair...

Unos

Kasabay ng pagbuhos ng ulan ang pagtulo ng luha
Rumaragasa, umaagos, walang patid

Kasabay ng pagkulog ang panaghoy
Malakas, nagmamakaawa, puno ng hinagpis

Kasabay ng pagkidlat ang pagdilim ng paningin
Masakit, mahapdi, hitik sa pait.

Sana ay hindi na tumigil ang pag-bagyo
Para hindi mapansin ang unos ng nararamdaman
Para maikubli ang aking katauhan.

Kailan masisilayan ang pagliwanag ng langit?

Waiting for Godot

I am killing time. I have just been to a meeting and my next appointment is...wala na. What better way to kill time but to write?

So, musta? I have no agenda but to kill time. So I guess I will just let my thoughts ramble and my fingers type. Let's see how it goes....

So what do I want to write about? Let's see. Nothing in particular. Aaaarrrrrggggghhhh, ang hirap kasi maghintay ng oras. Nakakainip. Nakakabagot. Nakakabaog. Err, erase the last word. Hehe

Paghihintay. Haha. Tama, nakakainis ngang maghintay.

Waiting for someone to like you seems like ages. Waiting for a job opportunity to come is income lost. Waiting for the moment of ecstasy is wild imagination. Waiting for the perfect sexual encounter is fiction. Waiting for an acquaintance to be a friend is a process. Waiting for a friend to be a partner is treading on dangerous grounds. Waiting for a friend and partner to be intimate with you is vulnerability. Waiting for a relationship to grow and reciprocate is nurturing (and may involve a lot of pain).

Waiting for a response (to a message, a text, a query) is expectation. Waiting for that response to be favorable is anticipation. Waiting for that response to be unfavorable is defeatist. Waiting for the other to reach out is a possibility. Waiting for the other to love you without conditions is too much.

Waiting for the past to continue into the present is hoping. Waiting for the present to be as good as the past is idealizing. Waiting for a moment to freeze in time is romanticizing.

Waiting for your "shoulds" to be part of reality is dreaming. Waiting for "musts" to characterize your personality and those around you is imposition. Waiting for the other to change according to your standards is subjugation. Waiting for his/her standards to define you is cooptation.

Waiting for the moment to become vulnerable is courage. And wanting to bounce back when things go wrong is strength.

And writing this email and waiting for time to wind up to 6:30pm is------

Killing time? better time? Spent time? Aaahh, just sharing time with you.

Haha...ok, ok, that's not Bach or Exupery, that's just me.

I am done. 2:10pm and logging out....

Selfless Love, Anyone?

A few months ago, I got a call from Mico who was a friend of mine. Nope, he is no longer in pain. He is no longer anguished over his friendship with a colleague with whom he would have wanted a relationship. The “past perfect” in Mico’s case has just become “simple past”; he has learned to let go and put the best interests of his friend before his own.

I remember him truly disappointed then. Mico wanted to take their friendship to blossom into a relationship, but the other was not prepared to embrace the same. Mico wanted to pursue a meaningful relationship with his friend. But his friend could only offer a meaningful friendship. Mico wanted to be progressive; the other was conservative.

And so they had decided to separate ways; physically at first as his friend stayed behind in Europe to finish his studies and Mico had to go back to the Philippines. And emotionally as Mico could not fathom how this close friendship was suffocating both, while nurturing so much expectations that his friend was afraid or uncertain to meet.

So Mico had to relent to separation. Pain was second skin to him, but his respect, loyalty and friendship prevailed over his personal, selfish intentions. It was not easy, but he wanted his friend to be happy, even if that happiness would mean pursuing a relationship with someone else---and not with him.

Fate had a way of making their friendship stronger. Mico received messages from an anonymous guy. For a while, they exchanged messages, but when it came to a point when the anonymous guy explored possibilities of meeting and having a relationship soon, Mico thought that the anonymous texter might be a good match with his friend. And so Mr. Anonymous exchanged messages with Mico’s friend. They met, liked each other and are now an item together.

Did Mico feel pain? Did he regret having paired them off?

No, said Mico. “I only had the best intentions for my friend. I thought it would be painful, but it was not. It is liberating to be selfless.”

Selfless love, Mico calls it. And he laughs like an innocent child explaining it.

And selfless love, I intially thought, was about loving 'til it hurts. In Mico’s case, selfless love is loving ‘til it makes you smile.

No hurt, no lost love there.

Just peace of mind. And lots of love in return.

Postscript: Mico to this day has not even met his anonymous texter whom his friend is seeing at the moment. But he says they are happy with each other’s company. Mico is happy for both of them.

The Promise

by Kai

(NOTE: this is such a beautiful song. I hope it touches your heart the way it has touched mine. Enjoy!)

Kai - Promise - Kai

I turn back the hands of time
To see what I've left behind
All the memories within my heart
And deep within my mind
I see all the hardships I've endured
And I'm rest assured
That you'll be there beside me
Like you've always been time and again

And with all that's said and done
You've always been the one
To hold me on those rainy days
When I couldn't see the sun
And when all the clouds disappear
And my skies are clear
I feel your love shining down on me
Without your love
Where would I be?

Chorus1:
You were the one
Who wiped the tears from my eyes
It was your love that gave me life through my darkest times
You were the one
What you've given me I could never repay
All I can give to you is my loving embrace
Cause I live to see the smile upon your face
Day by day

Verse2:
I've promised to go on
Until my race is won
And the knowledge you have given me
I'll give to those I love
And I've learned that if I do succeed
Then I shall receive the promise of a brighter day
You give me hope, you give me faith

Chorus2:
You were the one
Who wiped the tears from my eyes (That's what you've done)
It was your love that gave me life through my darkest times
You were the one
What you've done me I could never repay
So I live my life according to your way
Cause I live to see that smile upon your face
Day, by day

Bridge:
Ooo, your love
It always pulled me through (Oh yeah)
And when I felt all hope was gone
There was always you (Yeah)
Until my dying day in my heart you'll always be
And I'm so thankful for the love you've given me
Now I see (Yeah)

Chorus3:
You were the one
Who wiped the tears from my eyes (You wiped the tears from my eyes)
It was your love that gave me life through my darkest times
You were the one
What you've done for me I could never repay
I won't fail you this I promise you today
Cause I'd die to see the tears come down your face (Oh no)
So I live in you, I will live in your name
The rest of my days

Don't you cry no more...

Oh no, no

Kahit Maputi Na Ang Buhok Ko

I just arrived from a reunion with my relatives who came from abroad. Most of them came home for the holidays because my cousin is getting married tomorrow.

It was nice seeing my cousins, aunts, uncles, and other relatives from abroad. But also kinda sad because some of them have grown old and weak.

My lola's sister, one of my favorites, is suffering from severe arthritis and also has mild dementia.

Her name is Paulina. Friends call her "Po-le" for short. But some of the kids could not pronounce it and called her "Oye". And so, she has since been fondly called as Nana Oye.

Because of the arthritis, hindi sya makagalaw without assistance. She has to have a walker and is always sitting down on her wheelchair. Because of the dementia, Nana Oye gets disoriented. She mistakes people for someone else. She sometimes doesn't recognize us. She sometimes looks for my grandfather who died in 1991.

It was a far cry from the robust and perky woman that I knew a few years ago.

I remember that people in her neighborhood lovingly call her the "Candy Lady". She made sure that she had small treats in her pocket to give out to the neighbors' kids when she meets them on the street. When someone did something nice for her, candy. When she talked with someone on the street, candy. The bus driver, the local priest, the mailman, the teenage bagger at the grocery store, you name it, she had candy for each one.

My fondest memory would be of her moving around the kitchen to cook one of her amazing meals. Each time we visit her and her daughter in California, we would gain weight. Ten pounds, minimum. Breakfast would be ready even before we woke up. She can cook a mean kare-kare. I called her "The Best Cook in the World", which tickled her pink. And I meant it.

I could recall how she would climb up and down the hilly terrain of their neighborhood in California. She would navigate the 15 steps up their backyard just to water the small pine trees that she herself planted. I can still see her hunkering down to tend to her front lawn, shears in her left hand, trowel in her right. Everyday, she would go to church and bring home treats for us from the grocery store.

Even when we were in Manila, her love and affection for us would cross the miles of oceans that separate us. She never forgot a birthday. She would make sure that we got cards that would arrive exactly a day before our birthday. Sometimes with a dollar or two inside.

To me, she was the epitome of energy and vivacity. She was fiesty and tart. But she loved us, and treated us like her very own grandchildren.

In mythology, the Sphinx was said to have guarded the entrance to the Greek city of Thebes and asked a riddle to travelers to allow them passage. The riddle goes:

Which creature in the morning goes on four legs,
At mid-day on two,
And in the evening upon three?"

Oedipus solved the riddle by answering: Man—who crawls on all fours as a baby, then walks on two feet as an adult, and then walks with a cane in old age.

I realize that there is another stage in Man's life: the stage where man needs more than three legs because he is too weak and therefore cannot live without the help of another. The weaker man gets during the twilight years, the more legs he needs.

Now, as I see Nana Oye's hunched figure silently sitting on a wheelchair, as I help her get up from bed, as she holds on to me as we walk, as I patiently explain things to her whenever she is disoriented, I realize, she needs another pair of legs to support her current three. And I will do my best to be those two extra legs while she is here. That's the least I could do to repay the love and care that she gave us.

Thank you, Nana Oye.

Love Letters From the Past Series 1

March 15, 2002

My dearest *****,

I want you to know that I am really happy to have kind of love that I have with you. I love it because it's true, and real, and trusting. Because it does my heart and soul good to know that I am going to be here for you, and you are here for me, when there are needs that need to be tended to, when there are feelings that need to be felt, and when there are smiles that simply need to be shared in the company of someone who really cares.

I don't know if I could ever completely describe to you how important your love is to me. Coz it is so much a part of all that is good in my world.

Sometimes, I feel that you are like a gift that was given to my days to make sure that they would always have some happiness in them. More than once, I have felt that what I lack in life, I make up for by having a love that I wouldn't trade for anything, anytime, anywhere.

The reason it is so hard for me to be so far apart from you is because our souls are connected. Maybe they always have been and always will be.

A year ago, I asked myself what I really wanted in life. I realized that I wanted two things. First, I wanted you. And second, I wanted us to be together forever. The answers have not changed since then. I still want you, and I still want us to be together forever.

I have dreams in life that may never come true, travels I may never take, goals that I may not be able to achieve, and hopes that may be just beyond my reach. But I want you to know that whether my wishes come true, or whether they disappear altogether, I will always feel like one of the luckiest men in the world. Why? Because I have found a wonderful person in you.

You are the answer to every prayer that I have offered. You are a song, a dream, a whisper. And I don't know how I could have lived without you for as long as I have.

I love you, *****. More than you can ever imagine. And I always will.

Happy 1st anniversary

With all my love and with all my heart,
Eric

That Four-Letter Word

Aeriths Theme (Piano Version) - Uematsu Nobuo

Curse that 4-letter word!
Love is a word we can do without...

~

I thought that distraction was the key.

Just bury my head in work,
have fun with material things,
drown myself with hobbies,
drug myself with laughter,
enjoy the company of faceless strangers...
and the word will become obsolete
and I can completely ignore it...

~

But at night when I lie in bed,
its definition echoes in my head
and haunts my very being,
the truth that makes my eyes flood...

~

I can touch this space beside me...
I can feel this void inside my heart...
I can see this darkness inside my soul...
I feel so empty it’s consuming me...

~

I WAS WRONG...

i need someone to witness my life...
i need someone to resuscitate my hope...
i need someone to restore my faith…
i need someone to complete my soul...

~

Will you be that someone?

Sappy Musings Series 2

Lost memory - My Sassy Girl OST

“I woke up snuggling on his chest while his arms were wrapped around me…”

Memories of moments like these remind me of how good it is to have someone.

I guess that after all these years; I am finally beginning to enter an age where stability and foundation rises to prominence. I know some guys who are just starting to find a big, wild world out there. But coming from such uncertain place so long ago, I think that a big part of me is already tired of living such an uncertain life. I may not be able to turn my back anymore from the little order, normalcy, and familiarity I get from having a consistent emotional interest.

After the passing of a number of storms outside and inside my heart, I desire to have my peaceful life back.

I am longing that everything be normal once again.

Nag-mu-muni-muni lang muli ngayong malamig at makulimlim na araw...

To Be or Not To Be

Whoever said homosexuality is a choice must be out of his mind, for how can anyone ever choose a life that is different, a life full of fear and uncertainties, a life that is lonely at times because of all the suffering and pain one has to endure because of the very connotation of the label.

Why people persist on seeing this as a choice is no mystery; for it serves to satisfy and protect the righteousness of ethics and conduct. The law of morals and logic dictates that no one has the right to put in question the essence of a person; but it is just, proper and right to measure one’s choices within the justice of common morals and standards.

I say it is not a choice I made; my being gay is the essence of my being and as such I don’t have to explain my existence; I have the right to demand respect for my being, just as I respect everyone else’s existence.

Crush

A friend recently told me that it was importance for him to have a crush on another person for him to consider something more serious like love and relationship.

Crush can be defined as an overwhelming sense of attraction and admiration, mostly physical, but it can be some other attribute that one so idolizes and/or idealizes in another person. My definition of crush is instantaneous attraction; yun ang ultimate crush para sa akin.

I started having crushes waaaay back when I was just in grade school. And take note, most of my childhood crushes were of the opposite sex. Some of them I can still vividly remember.

There was Margarita (Rica, for short), a half Spanish beauty with her jet black hair, curly lashes, fair complexion, shy smile, and sleepy-puppy dog eyes. I had the distinct opportunity of sitting next to her in grade 1 class. Then there was Leslie, a combination of beauty and brains. Bibsy (her nickname) was a consistent honor student. We were in the same class for four years or so since we belonged to the honor’s class. There was Lilia, the tall, intelligent, sporty girl. She was a member of the school’s volleyball varsity team. What really caught me was her sunny disposition and sense of humor. I still had my crush on her even when I was in high school. I’d pick her up from her house on the way to school since she lived right beside it. When I think about it now, we could have become an “item” if I had only pursued.

The others were really just passing fancies: Lucille, one of the great grand nieces of the wife of a well-loved former president; Ms. Guzman, our freshman math teacher; Mrs. Jaramillo, our senior math teacher (do you see a trend here or what?).

During those times I kinda knew that I was also attracted to the same sex. It's just that I didn't pay too much attention. For somehow I knew it's not supposed to be. At that time, I haven’t completely grasped the concept of being gay or bisexual.

I can only remember 2 guys in high school. One is John, a really cute, soft-spoken bass player in our rondalla band. He was “silent waters run deep” type. John would always sit quietly in his corner to study his scores during rehearsal, and he would be spanking when he played the bass. I remember hanging out near him under the pretense of trying to learn the bass (which I did, eventually). And there was that professional basketball player mentioned in one of my previous blog entries.

The hallowed halls of College were a different story. Call it a heightened sense of maturity, but I had very few crushes then. But it was there where I met Teresita.

She was this petite, cute, and extremely smart Chinese girl who graduated from Colegio San Agustin. It was instantaneous attraction. She was no outstanding beauty but she had this sweet and unassuming image that I found adorable and irresistible. And so did half of the other guys in the Engineering honor’s class. Ha ha. I did try to get close to her during the first two months of class. One problem, whenever I have a huge crush, I instantly become a blithering idiot. No words would come out of my mouth and my mind would be blank. And so, it was happy contentment just looking at her, especially her cheery smile that made her eyes sparkle. Slowly but surely, though, I did get close to her. I’d have lunch with her and her friends; I’d join their group as we walked to the next class; we’d have long talks when she was waiting for her ride. It helped that one of her close friends was my high school classmate. Later that year, I mustered enough courage to tell her how I felt. But it wasn’t meant to be. She was Chinese, and I was not. After that confession, she started to distance herself from me. Suffice to say that it was the first time that I had my heart truly broken. It was the first time I cried about someone. It was the first time I fell in love.

I really do not know if there is such a thing as rightness or wrongness in acting out on one's crush. Chances are, one may mistake it for love, or in other instances, the basis for love and relationship. It is true that in a way, this is the impetus that makes one act to lead it into possible romance and relationship. But sometimes, if not most of the time, relationships that start this way can get stuck in this level and may never go past beyond what is supposedly idealized and move on to the practical, more sensible and more enduring part of the relationship.

I still get to have crushes. I have acted on some of them, but others remained at that, just a crush. And definitely this is one spice of life that will always be welcome in my life.

Anyway, I have learned my lessons: crush is my impulse of attraction. But I have to see past that for me to really say that what I feel is love.

Sappy Musings Series 1

Love me - Yiruma

Phel, my good friend has just told me that he and this guy that he has been communicating with for the past month are now officially an item. I have to admit that I received the news with a tinge of envy.

It has been almost four years since my last relationship. Being single was a matter of choice, really, and not of circumstance. I chose to focus on work, family, and the choir. And before I knew it, almost 4 years have passed.

Now that I find myself ready to fall once again, I can't seem to find someone.

Masyadong mataas ang expectations at standards ko? I wouldn't say expectations or standards. I'd prefer to term it as "preferences". Lahat naman tayo may virtual picture of the perfect and ideal person for us. But sometimes, being an idealist isn't that too rewarding. Idealism is almost synonymous to perfection. And no one is perfect.

I guess I am an idealist. That is why I am a hopeless romantic. I dream up scenarios of how the perfect guy would sweep me off my feet one of these days. I dream of grand events that would accompany my falling.

Pero, masama din yung sobrang hopeless romantic. Kasi nagiging hopeless na talaga. May tendency mag-ilusyon about romantic settings, scenarios, and proposals. In the end, disappointed ka lang kasi nga one is living in a fantasy world. Kapag hindi na-meet ang romantic expectations mo, bagsak ka na. Ganyan ako eh. Dapat baguhin ko.

It's the small things that matter. A simple text saying "hi" means that the person thought of you. A simple reminder na "lunchtime na. kain na" means that the person cared enough to send you this reminder. A simple joke or witty statement that made you laugh and made an otherwise crappy day more bearable.

Small things. Full of meaning.

Nag-mu-muni-muni lang ngayong malamig at makulimlim na araw...

A Favor

One early morning, nakatanggap ako ng isang text message from my friend, Lord. Sabi niya na parang gusto niyang magsulat about his recent experiences para makatulong at may mapulutan ng aral ang ibang taong katulad niya. Hence, I started a blog for him.

One of his first requests was for me to write the first entry. I was touched to have been given this distinguished honor. He he he.

I named his blog The Phoenix, just like one of my entries in my own blog. Why The Phoenix? Lord has had a very eventful life during the past year. Maraming ups and downs, but mostly downs. He has been like a phoenix that rises from the ashes but is consumed by flames once again. But nevertheless, he continuously rises and is reborn. He is struggling, but he still manages to come through. Sabi ko sa kanya, baby steps lang muna. Slowly but surely.

So, good luck, Lord. May your blog serve as your therapy in getting through life's difficulties. I will always be praying for you.

Simulan mo na magsulat....

Thought Bubble - Series 2

I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who's ever lived: I've loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough.

--- Nicholas Sparks, "The Notebook"

An Awakening

When The Love Falls(Raining Ve - Yiruma

I have always yearned to understand what was happening between us. "Us" won't even suffice: it was never a real thing to begin with. We just hung out and talked and spent time together more often than we did with our other friends and colleagues. Sometimes it pained me that I could not do anything in my power to make you speak about us. Certainly, the ambiguity was present, the ambiguity which you never wanted to clarify.

I could only let you go on with whatever it was that you desired, whether it be ranting about your insecurities, rejoicing over happier news or lamenting about your eventful past. On the other side, I remained silent in the middle of your hyped-up emotion. I was like a child with beaming eyes, eager to hear more stories of how you came about to be the person that you are. For you once told me that listening to you gave you strength to go on, and so I did. I have always wanted you to be okay.

Yet when it was my turn to be heard, the silence was a void. I suspended my disbelief when I convinced myself that you always meant well, whenever you apologized for there was nothing you can do about my bouts of depression, or when you simplified things by saying that everything will be all right. I know I should not expect things from other people; perhaps I was at fault when I wanted more from you when you can only give so little.

You hurt me. You hurt me many, many times. You hurt me so intensely I never dared to tell you anything about it. I was a fool to think that it was a better way of dealing with things. And that, I presume to be my biggest mistake: I abandoned myself. I sought for your happiness that I forgot about mine altogether.

So maybe what we had was love. Maybe I loved you, and I hope to heavens that you loved me back: even just for a split second when we held hands, or during that moment when I looked into your eyes, or the time when I laughed at one of your silly quirks. I'd be content with that idea, I'd be content that in the course of our friendship, there was a moment of mutuality; even if it was so quick I never noticed it all.

I do love you, but that won't do much now. I can fight to save everything that I've invested, but I chose not to. I have treasured you in the past, and that will be enough. Right now, all I can do is wish you well in all your endeavors, including the pursuit of the one who is right for you. When you find that person I wish he can make you happy. You make him happy as well.

The end is only a beginning disguised as a parting. I will still think about you every now and then, probably be sad once in a while, but you need not to worry. For I am okay and I will be okay under all circumstances. It may take time for me to love again, but in the long run, it will be all worth it. I may still risk myself, but every risk in its own respect is worth taking anyway. Love is such a convoluted mixture of emotions and decisions that it's a matter of working your way through it.

Thank you for gracing my life like a whirlwind, leaving me breathless and hurt, inspired and furious, affectionate and listless. You've taught me quite a lot and I learned them in the most humbling manner. Thank you for showing me what it means to be human, to commit mistakes, and to discover how to regain yourself after everything that had happened.

My Valentine Date

I woke up very early this morning. Siyempre, masama ang gising ko kasi I woke up at 6am, only a few hours after I caught sleep at 12:45am. I had come home from a particularly difficult rehearsal with the choir. Plus the fact that the night before, someone ate something that I intended to give someone as a Valentine present. In other words, kulang ako sa tulog at medyo bugnutin ako…

As I was finishing my breakfast, I got one of the most important message this valentine's day---from Robin. Actually, it was a forwarded message, but because it came from Robin (who is trying to find the good side of life despite his illness), I took notice of the wisdom of his message, which goes:

Good morning. : ) : ) : )

TODAY, don't think of saying any UNKIND WORD, think of d people who can't speak

Don't complain about d FOOD u eat, some have nothing.

Don't complain about LIFE, many die young.

When u're tired of ur job, think of d jobless, d disabled & those who wish they had yours.

When SAD THOUGHTS Seem to put u down, Paint a SMILE on ur face & Thank GOD u're alive & u're around.

LIFE's a gift

LIVE IT WELL.

May God Bless You!

Happy Valentines Day. : )

Suddenly, I was taken aback by his message. Napaka-selfish ko. Na-feel ko na medyo hindi maganda ang internal aura ko. I have so many things to be thankful for that I shouldn't complain or be negative about so many things.

And so, during a moment of insipiration, naghanap ako ng date ngayon for lunch. Robin's message moved me to have a lunch date this Valentine's Day.

11:30 am kanina. I was in the Megamall area due to field work. Hahanapin ko dito ang ka-lunch date ko, sabi ko. Ikot. Ikot pa rin. Wala.

Labas ako papuntang EDSA on the way to Shang Mall. Lakad. Lakad pa. Wala pa rin! Wala pa rin akong ka-lunch date!

And then I went to Manuela nagbabaka-sakaling dun ko makita ang ka-date ko. Wala pa rin.

Finally I just decided to have lunch by myself at Shang Food Court. Alone. Wala akong ka-date!

Then naglakad ako pabalik ng Megamall to check on some stuff before returning to my office in Sta Ana.

In Ohana (near Figaro and U2 in Megamall), I saw a thin, 7-year old girl asking for coins.

Sabi ko, gusto mong kumain? She smiled. Her name was Apple and she wanted KFC chicken. I finally found my Valentine Date!

But lo and behold! She was with her cousin RJ, an 8-year old thin boy, and her ate, Maria Fe, who is about 11 years old.

I had 3 angels for a Valentine's date!

They ordered chicken and then I bought ice cream on stick for all of us. I couldn't stay long because I had to be back at the office. And then I said goodbye.

Thank you, kuya, they said.

I smiled.

In my heart, I said, thank you, too. For their gift to me was most precious of all. Grateful smiles. Baon ko ang ngiti nila.

That was enough to keep my heart in its proper place again.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone.